Hi people !
Oh wow, I haven't give any news for more than 3 months, I'm really sorry about that. Btw, I go to deviantART every day, watching journals and all your new art. But I don't comment a lot actually.
Well, about me ! So... a lot of things happened during these months. Remember that drawing ?
Well... my life changed a lot with that boy. We saw us for the first time the 7th september, he came to my city and we spent a day together. It was just awesome ! I was so stressed to meet him the first time, because we really liked us and we were afraid that it would be different when we will meet us in real life (remember: we met us on internet !). So that day was awesome
Then, I go to his apartment the 5th October, we again spent a day together. Then, we finally kiss us
Oh wow that was so incredible, so unique and it was so emotionnal. Just one word: WOW ! At this day, we were taken and we were so happy together <3 It was one of the best day of my whole life.
After that he came again to see me and I came to his apartment another time, the 26th October, the last time...
Why the last time ? Because just the 27th October, he sent me a message on my mobile phone to tell me that during a party, he drank too much and kissed a friend of him... He told me "sorry" so many times, he was so confused about that, told me that he doesn't understand why he did that and told me that I really don't deserve that because I'm an amazing girl.
At that moment, my heart was hurting so much... And he told me that since that thing happened, it would never be the same thing with me, because he has too much regrets and that he thinks he could do it again... I was ready to forgive him once, but he really doesn't want to hurt me again because he thinks that I don't deserve to be hurted and to suffer for that again...
Wow... I was crying so much... I think... I've never been so sad for my whole life... that feeling that you've lost confidence of your lover, that personn who made you believe so much in yourself, that personn who loved you for what you are, who said that he is with you and that he will not let you... That's so hard... He told me: "I really loved you Julia, be sure of that, I don't regret anything, you're an amazing personn, you deserve the best, you deserve a good boyfriend, to be happy and to have an amazing life. I kno you're suffering but you have to pass to another thing, even if it's truly hard. Don't worry, it's gonna pass. I want to keep contact with you and to see you ! Because you're one of the most incredible personn that I've never met.".
Well, just by writing that it makes me cry. That's so hard... The first time it begans to be not so fine, I was screaming of cryness... All the things I never wanted to hear from him, I hear them in one morning... I wished it was a nightmare but no, it was real...
My heart is so broken... Even if we were only 1 month together (and we broked up the 5th November, just at our one month anniversary...), I loved him so much and I still love him </3 We met us the 7th April and we were chatting together almost every single day until that story. So I almost spent all this year with him. Even if at the beggining we were just friends, we began to fall in love quickly, we just wanted to wait to see us in real life to be sure about our feelings.
I'm actually depressed for more than 4 weeks, crying every day, thinking of him and about that girl, because she is in his class and his see her every day, that hurts so much... But he told me a lot that he doesn't have feelings for her, he just find her pretty but that's all... I dunno... I'm pretty sure he likes her btw but that's like that...
I just have to turn the page now... waiting that time pass. I haven't told you about all the whole story, but just the essential. otherwise that would be 10 times longer and I don't think it will be interesting for you and I think I've already wrote too much
Btw, I'm happy to had him as my first boyfriend, because he had a lot of respects for me and he still have. He loved me so much, I really felt that, and I gave hime all my love too. He was the personn who made me feel stronger when I was sad, who give me motivation in life, who was already here for me when I was in a bad mood. Even if sometimes we were mad together, it was nothing and it happens to everybody...
He wishes me the best and I wish him too, because he deserves that, he's a guy with a
like that ! Now, we're not chatting anymore, I just sent him a message yesterday because it was his birthday and he really appreciate ^^ Now, if he wants to talk, I'm waiting for his messages... Now it's time to "forget him". I don't regret anything with him, I just wished that we were together longer but life decided that it will be like that...
My depression is less harder than some weeks but still here. That experience gave me more confidence in myself, because I know now that someone can love me for what I am and it's what I needed !
Anyway... about art... I haven't done anything since my last drawing. I think it's over about my art. I still like to appreciate art, see my friends improve on their picture but me I don't have any motivation... Maybe one day I'll make something but that's really not sure. Btw, I still go on deviantART every day, be sure of that
It's just that I'm not active... I hope you understand.
I've said all I wanted you to say. A long journal with not good news but I wish to be better as soon as possible because it's so hard to be like that, to have the taste of anything. And thanks to my amazing friend
for his support during that bad period of my life, he was all the time here for me, thanks you're awesome
Thanks for reading, you make me really happy Spend a good time in my gallery ^3^Evoli-niceli